Bad Album Covers Volume 2

Yeah, it has been a while hasn't it? Yeah, I have been wanting to do more album reviews, but unfortunately I have not decided on an album to do. To get back into the swing, I decided to do another bad album covers collection, and oh boy have I found some really bad ones this time. So with out further ado, let us begin with our round of ten other, really bad album covers, starting with:

A guitar-boner...

I um, I surprisingly have very little to say about this one, I think the image really just speaks for itself. I can not imagine how awkward that would make sex for this guy, but uh, other than that I think the jokes write themselves, you just got to say them.

Now this is another one that really speaks for itself, I mean, Nicolas Cage, Rob Halford and 80s James Hetfield, doing an impression KISS members? That is just something you must see to believe. I also love the all solid colour background, because an actual background would cost way to much. But do you want to know the weirdest part of it? This band is still around, yeah, if you can read the band name, which is in a font that wants to be grindcore, but still wants to be somewhat legible, the band name is Knorkator, and they are a comedic heavy metal band. Really, with an album cover this hilarious, it would be a shame not to check these guys out.

No, your eyes do not deceive you, Pat Boone, the 50s lounge-jazz singer, did a heavy metal cover album, and this should be the first sign that it is gonna be a mess. Pat Boone here does not look like a metal legend, even with his leather and necklace, and that twinkle in his eye does not help. He looks kind of like the father of the Fonz, which I don't know if that is a good thing or not.

Uhh... Yeah, this one is also a thing. After that Boned album cover, this seems even more confusing. At least with that one it was the head of the guitar, and not the bodies, and it was his genitalia, these are turning into his arms. In fact, the dissolve effect is not even a good effect at all. I could do better dissolve effects than that. Also, Ted, please never wear nothing but a loin cloth ever again, you did not look sexy in the 1980s, and again with the solid colour background, although, this time it does match your face. If you get any angrier, you may disappear.

Sweet nightmares, a porcelain doll doing a mic drop, I think. The microphone is obviously attached to the doll, so it's about as convincing as a CGI effect in a mockbuster. Also, why is this a good album cover? Even if we are guessing this is from the era before The Twilight Zone, which I doubt, the doll's dead eyes are still horrifying, they stare into your soul, and when you least expect it, she pounces on you while you sleep, stealing your soul through your very eyes, watching you suffer and die in your very bed, where you thought you were safe, but all of that I can forgive. What I can not forgive is the amount of pastel pink this doll is wearing, I mean, seriously, my eyes.

Usually Queen has some pretty good album covers, nothing amazing but nothing to bad. News of the world is probably their best, but this is without a doubt their most bland. I think they got the covers for this and Made in Heaven mixed up, as this is just all the members of the band mushed together like a monster with four faces, and their hairstyles don't even match, except for Freddie's and Brian's at the end their, they match too well.

GAH, NO I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS ALBUM COVER!

What submissive, BDSM thing is this? Scorpions, is there something you want to say? Considering this and your album cover to Virgin Killer, I think you are in the lead for having some of the worst album covers of all time. I feel as though that... wait, where are the woman's eyes? The sclera is all there but there is no iris nor pupil, that is even creepier than the doll. You know, this just seems like the beginning to the worst pornographic film ever.

For some reason, awkwardly sexual is the theme of this collection, maybe I should have brought the Wasnatch and Eddie Mack covers here instead of my first collection. Other than the, really unfortunate title, this one is just bland, except for the fact that she looks as though she is biting the tip of the flute, I did not mean it like that, get your mind out of the gutter. 

And finally, to cap this collection of bad album covers off, we have this PlayStation game cover, apparently there was an Iron Maiden game, wait, there wasn't? This is a real album cover? Why did they have to give these models lifeless CGI looks? Even if this was the era before digital textures, was it too difficult to have real people? The reaper in the center looks out of place, as if he is hand drawn, but everyone else looks as though Toy Story ate the Money For Nothing music video and barfed up Drake of the 99 Dragons. You know what this actually reminds me off? It reminds me of the video game cover of Snow White and the 7 Clever Boys for the PlayStation 2. You do realize that you don't have to make your album covers look like a bad Xbox game, right guys?

Well, that caps off this collection, hopefully I'll have a few more album reviews by the year's end. I've mostly been doing song reviews if you want to keep up with those the link is right here. Honestly, this was fun, hopefully I can do this again soon.